I am 33 years old. I have had 3 kids, all boys. They are now 6.5yrs, 2.5yrs, and 10 months old. I have been skinny all my life and made fun of for it. When I was in my early 20’s I enjoyed my body. I was a dancer, but I had nice boobs, and I finally didn’t care what other people said, even though I was accused a lot of being anorexic.. which I WASN’T and never have been. After 3 kids (6 pregnancies), I somehow still stay thin, but have lost any curve I ever had. I look like a 14 year old boy. Being pregnant and having curves let me know what it was like to be a woman.. and now I’ve lost it. I fear that my husband liked my body a lot more before, though he won’t say anything because he is a gentleman. I fear being around women with nice boobs, or boobs at all because I don’t want to catch him looking.. I don’t want him wanting them. I even get jealous when watching TV or movies.. and not just of nice breasts, but any woman that LOOKS LIKE A WOMAN.
They don’t make feminine clothes for women who have the shape of boys. I have no luck finding bras that work, since there really isn’t anything to put in one besides nipples, but I need the coverage (if you have breast fed 3 babies, you would know why).
I have considered a boob job. Nothing big, but just enough to actually wear clothes I want to. I actually was about 10 minutes from being put under for one when I found out I was pregnant with my third. Now because of other issues with my health, I am not sure I want to ever go through with it. My husband says he doesn’t care either way, but I know there would be no argument if I had one done. 🙁
I wish I could accept my body. I wish I didn’t care that I was so tiny. I wish I could believe my husband could still find me attractive.
Please excuse the sort-of break in issues that relate purely to women growing and learning about self-love. BlogHer and Starbucks are currently promoting an initiative that works toward giving grants to small businesses, with the goal not only to stimulate the economy but to get those who have lost jobs back to work by creating employment. Honestly, this does effect women directly, and indirectly their capacity and ability to learn to love themselves wholly, so it’s not entirely unrelated to the aims and ideals of TIAW. But in any case, I love the idea of this program. Building American anew from the ground up. Awesome.
You can read more here, and listen to a call Lisa Stone of BlogHer had last week with the CEO of Starbucks. And take a moment and donate $5 (or more, if you can) to this program. A $5 donation will earn you the bracelet I am modeling for you in the picture above. This program gives me a lot of hope for the small business of America, and for all those who rely on them.
– Who needs anti-aging ads anyway?
It’s been weeks since I’ve done one of these. Here’s what happened: As you know, my mom died in July. We spent the next three months cleaning up her home (yes, it was that bad, think Hoarders). When we were almost but not quite done, I called a realtor to list the home for sale thinking it’s a slow market and we’d have time to finish up. Two days later we had an offer on the home and the guy wanted to move in in two weeks. So. I canceled everything else and spent every moment preparing for an estate sale, holding the sale, calling the thrift store to pick up what was left, driving 300+ records around town trying to find a buyer, hiring cleaners and carpet cleaners and bringing yet more things home to live with me. Naturally, the sale of the home fell through. So if anyone is looking to buy a low-priced mobile home in a senior park that’s quite lovely, actually, let me know! Long story longer, I think I might be ready to live my life normally again very soon. KNOCK WOOD. Here’s your weekly awesome:
~If you only read and share one thing today, make it this post on the history and accuracy of the BMI.
~Stuff I pinned on my TIAW, and Wisdom boards.
~Reese Witherspoon makes good girls cool again. (Thanks, Bethany!)
~Why photoshopping gone wrong is a GOOD thing.
~Go leave some notes today.
~You probably saw some birth-related pumpkins going around Facebook, but did you see all of them? This achieves a level of awesome/disturbing I have never witnessed before.
And with that – have a good week!
