Whitney emailed this to me via SOAM a couple of weeks ago, not knowing about TIAW. I asked her if she’d like me to post it here and she agreed. Posts like this are exactly what TIAW is for. <3 -Bonnie
I’ve known of your website for many years but I’ve never had the courage to write in. I’m afraid I don’t belong because the thing is, I’m not a mother. I’ve never had a baby. I’ve never had sex. I’ve never had a boyfriend, or even kissed a man. It is all because I am so ashamed and embarrassed of my body. It is deformed and I can’t even proclaim it’s from the beauty of being a mother.
I’m 22 years old and my breasts are incredibly asymmetrical. I know most women have this problem, but with me it is to an extreme. My right breast is a full C-cup. My deformed left breast is a flat AA-cup. It has always been this way, and because of it, I have never felt beautiful a day in my life. I see every day how big, perfect breasts are worshipped and it is a painful reminder that I will never have a husband or a baby because no one could ever love my stupid breasts. Any man would laugh me right out of the bedroom and ask for a marriage annulment immediately.
I honestly don’t know what to do. It depresses me so much I can’t even put into words. It seeps into every aspect of my life. I can’t feel happy for long about anything without thinking about my breasts. They always bring my mood crashing down again. I know you can have gel pads put into your bra, and I’ve tried this, only to bawl my eyes out when I take them out. It makes me feel worse because it makes me feel like I have to be fake to be even remotely sexy or beautiful.
Every website I try to visit just pumps surgery, surgery, surgery. None of them have offered any suggestions on how to love your body the way it is. That’s what I WANT to do, desperately. I’m a college student struggling every day just to pay my tuition, there is no way I could afford surgery and again, it just feels fake to me. I want to look into the mirror naked and feel beautiful for once in my life, with my body the way it is. I want to accept and love myself, but I don’t know how or if I ever will. I was hoping maybe you or someone at your site could help me, because I feel like I am at the end of my rope.