One of the comments I hear repeatedly on SOAM is the desire to be able to wear a bikini. Women feel ashamed if they “can’t” and proud if they do despite stretch marks or loose skin (as well they should be in the current climate of body image). I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea, period. Admittedly, I have never been a bikini-wearer, so perhaps there is something there I’m missing about how awesome they are (I can see that they’d be easier to make a bathroom stop in, for one thing – wet swimsuits are sticky and uncomfortable to maneuver up and down), but ultimately I suspect it’s just part of the desire we instill in women to need to stay maidens forever.
I try to peel away the layers of things that confuse me; getting to deeper levels generally unwinds the confusion and makes things clear. So what’s the draw with bikinis? (Aside from the previously mentioned ease of peeing, of course.) What about them makes them such a desired object – no! – status? They don’t do anything other bathing suits can’t do (even two-piece tankinis make for quick pee-stops), and I’ve certainly seen some really beautiful one-piece suits so it’s not necessarily the fashion of it, either. The only difference is that they show more skin. And that we, as women, buy into the idea that the skin they show better be youthful and conventionally-beautiful.
But we, as women, are smarter than that. We need to make ourselves aware of what is at the heart of the matter. Money. I’ve said it before and I will undoubtedly say it again and again: the beauty industry keeps us weak by keeping us feeling insecure. And our insecurity is worth buttloads of money to them. So long as we worship the maiden-shaped body, they stay in power. So long as our greatest desire is to successfully wear a bikini, they stay in power.
I’m not saying the desire to wear a bikini is a bad thing. I am asking that you carefully consider your reasons for it, and if those reasons hurt you in any way, maybe leave the desire behind and find worth in yourself exactly the way you are right now. Because you are worth LOTS. No matter the size or shape of your midsection – it is a vitally important part of your body. It digests all your food, it’s the home of your immune system, it kicks out the wastes and absorbs the nutrients. It’s worth so much to you. Your belly, “bikini-ready” (whatever that means) or not, it’s worth everything to you, and should be honored and respected and loved and thanked.
This post isn’t about what you will wear this summer, it’s just about loving you as you are. It’s not about starting a movement against bikinis, it’s just about making you think. It sure as hell isn’t about being unhealthy or embracing a state of dis-health (I have to say this any time I mention loving all sizes of bodies), it’s just about loving YOU always, no matter where you are, because you deserve it. It’s okay – no it’s beautiful – to get older (no matter what that may look like on your body). Maidens are beautiful, but so are mothers and crones.
So. What’s the big deal about bikinis, anyway? Buy whatever makes you feel good and just enjoy the sun and water – that, as far as I can tell, is the purpose of a bathing suit.
Music is so important. It can heal and inspire. It lifts up and brings joy. Body image and self-love are such a major issue these days that it seems to be a recurring theme in music. I thought it would be really powerful if we collaborated and came up with a list to recommend for downloading and creating your own playlist. I won’t be selling these or making any money off them – just working with my community to recommend a bunch of excellent music that can help heal us and lift us up so we can each buy the songs ourselves and create a playlist that suits us best.
So leave a comment here with a song title and artist name. I’ll keep a list going here on this page of all the songs recommended for body image or just general uplifting self-love, and I hope that in time we can have the most complete list possible. ♥
Keep in mind that these songs have been recommended by readers who were moved by them for one of many reasons. Not everyone will respond the same to every song, take what moves you, leave the rest. (I mean “take” figuratively. In actuality I recommend you acquire your musical legally.)
Also, I will link to music videos where possible. Keep in mind they may not necessarily be safe for work.
I’ve posted on SOAM before about my body and how birthing my daughter had affected my self esteem and body image. I’d like to write a little bit about some realizations I have had since then about my health issues and how I feel as a woman.
I have been ‘sick’ for most of my life. It started out as a case of mono that just never seemed to go away. At eleven years of age I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and told I would feel sick for my whole life. Whenever I tried to talk to a doctor in the years to come ( I always thought there must be something else besides fm going on with me) I was told I just wasn’t taking good enough care of myself, and that was why I felt awful. Seriously, I simply CANNOT remember a time in my life that I wasn’t tired and in some type of pain, but to put all of that on someone? It was MY fault, even though I was doing everything ‘right’, that I felt awful? I hated my body and all of its pains and limitations. I hated my small stature and pale skin that I felt just advertised to the world even more how ‘fragile’ and broken I really was. I had some anxiety that went along with this. I always felt like there was something MORE I needed to be doing. From cleaning house, to raising my daughter, I NEVER felt I had everything taken care of. I never thought I would feel like a REAL woman. REAL women were strong and vibrant, not small and weak. I tried to convince everyone in my life that I felt better than I did, never wanting to upset them or have them think I wasn’t doing ‘enough’ to care for myself. After years of having conventional medicine fail me I found an amazing energy healer who not only helped me feel ‘normal’ at last, but helped to calm my troubled heart.
I know you are probably wondering what all of this has to do with how I feel about body image, but I am getting to it I promise!
Fast forward to this year. I found out about a member of my community who was desperately in need of a kidney transplant and wouldn’t live the average three year wait on the national donor registry to receive one. I felt moved by his story and decided that I needed to get tested to see if I was a match. I researched the safety of the procedure and felt that there was probably little chance I would pass the rigorous tests I would be put through to be deemed ‘healthy’ enough for surgery. Wouldn’t you guess it? I was found to be in amazing health and matched wonderfully with him! Valentine’s Day this year I gave my kidney to my new friend. It was not only the best gift to him, but the best I could give myself! I had spent years at war with my body to come out on the other side healthy enough to improve the health of another human being. I have five little scars on my tummy from the surgery. Five little scars that seem to orbit around the network of stretch marks left from my daughter. I love they way they look and how they make me feel, my little marks that love left. No matter HOW sick or tired or pain I’ll have in my life in the years to come, I’ll never feel weak again. My body gave life, twice! It can do amazing things!
I woke up this morning to my daughter snuggling in bed next to me. She rolled over and put her hand up to my cheek and stoked it lovingly. “Mommy,” she said, ” I love you”. “Mommy, you are beautiful”. Strange as it sounds her tiny little voice seemed to echo a new one in me. I never used to think I was beautiful. Having potential maybe, but not beautiful. Now? Now, I know I am.
Pictures are of my little surgery scars (I really hope they don’t fade) and my truly happy smile. ( its really amazing isn’t it, to wake up one day and realize that you already have the life you’ve always dreamed of??)
Can I add a song that fits the mood of this post? Coincidentally it just came on the radio:) Dog days are over by Florence and the Machine.
